You know what I find funny in the strange way? Why do people seem to judge everything everyone does?
Most of what we all do is, at the time, the best thing for us. Whether it ends up nasty later or if it remains the best, we still made that decision and it is done. So why do people judge and say “you’ll change your mind” or “you do it because you’re controlled by XYZ” or any other hare brained, bone headed poison that ends up coming out.
I am guilty of it, no one is saying I’m perfect. But lately I have been trying to remember, people all like different things and I can’t change anyone’s life or anyone’s mind except mine. No one else’s life is my business, and all I need to do is support them, even if I think it’s not right. Because, people are going to do what they’re going to do anyway, and if it doesn’t affect your life at all, why should you have any input?
I have an idea, and I told a “friend” at work. She said she wouldn’t do it because of reasons, and when I told her my thought process on it, she said “it doesn’t matter what I say, you’re going to do it anyway because you’re controlled by money.”
Bitch, I can advise against you going out and getting shit faced every weekend and having sex with whomever because of the STDs you can get because you’re controlled by your impulses. But do i? Nope. It’s your life and your actions don’t affect me, so who am I to say anything to you about it?
It’s really upsetting that people are assholes nowadays. Is this what goes through their heads? :
Family is the most important thing. No matter what. So at this point, he can take care of his family all he wants. He can let her call him despite him “hating her voice,” or so he says. She can get his attention whenever he wants it. I can go on not trusting him to care why i’m upset. It’s up to me to take care of me, because he’s too busy taking care of his family.
I’m afraid about how close I am to my boyfriend. I desperately want to change how I feel about having a kid around, just so I can keep my man.
Know why? Cuz I honestly don’t have friends. He is my best friend, and I don’t want to mess that up. The other people I know are more of acquaintances than friends. I know part of that is my fault, I am very protective and want the best for my friends and when they meet someone I don’t see as being good enough, I let my friends know. But I just want the best for them… One of my friends is ALWAYS on her phone, but she takes forever to answer, if she even answers at all.
So you know what? I’m gonna stop putting myself out there for people. It’s time to start treating people like they treat me. I’m done with this “I’ll do whatever you need” bullshit. I’ve done my best to be a good friend but if I’m the only one who is trying to start the conversation, that’s bullshit.
Don’t make someone a priority in your life when you’re only an option in theirs.
I didn’t blog yesterday. But the night before, my man came over and we talked some more about how I was feeling so down. I don’t know what kind of superpower this man has over me but he talked me through another down period. I guess I need to quit thinking about the future and just focus on what’s right in front of me, even if it means a breakup later down the road. But he pulled me back to my normal self, and I’m thankful for that. Now we’re going camping this weekend and I really hope it’s a great time.
On the way to work today, I saw that a Texas State Trooper had pulled someone over. Those lights, that uniform, the emblem on the door bring back so many good memories. I can still smell my dad’s uniform and that leather belt and boots that he wore, the ones that he made look so good. The Trooper that I could see (there was one talking to the driver and another watching that trooper’s back) was such a cutie, too. ;P I wore my Texas Department of Public Safety necklace that my dad gave me when he retired, and it made me feel like there was a connection between me and those Troopers. Officers, Sheriffs, Deputies, Troopers are all family, and it angered me and worried me that when I looked in the mirror, the traffic behind me was not pulling over to the opposite lane to give the Troopers a full lane of space. I have seen many Law Enforcement Officers get hurt badly because people don’t move over, or at least slow down to 15 under the speed limit if moving over is not an option. Please, move over and give my family their space to work.
When I got to work, there was someone new in the parking lot. Someone with a giant blue dodge ram. I didn’t capitalize its name for a reason. There’s that moment when you see or smell or hear something that reminds you of the person who broke your heart because his marriage wasn’t enough for him so he lied to you in order to get you into his life. He told me he was divorced and that she was living in Florida. He told me he didn’t have girls over to his barracks room because it’s disrespectful. He told me he could only see me at lunch because he always had to work late, so he drove over the mountain at least once a week to pick me up for lunch and…. have me for lunch if you get me. After I searched for him on facebook and saw his profile, I did not add him but asked him whether he had a profile and he said that he did not. And that’s when I started doing more research, because the next day he had blocked me from seeing his profile. One of my friends looked at his profile and his friends list for me and we found his wife. She was, in fact, living here, and they were still very much married, with two children. I had fallen for this man out of sheer stupidity, and I hate that I fell so hard and so quickly, and I hate that there are still so many things that remind me of him. There’s “our song,” every f—ing blue dodge I see on the road, sometimes even my man will say something and it sounds like something the ex would have said. I just want to be over him. But all these things that remind me of him are there, and now there might be that giant blue dodge that looks just like the ex’s in my work parking lot every day if he is a new employee. I just want him out of my life and out of my head….
That moment when you know you’re jealous when it comes to your boyfriend and someone mentioning his ex wife (wives) causes sarcasm and catty comments and you finally make a joke like that and your boyfriend snaps at you.
I know I’m a bitch and I know I’m hard to deal with sometimes but it still hurts when the man I love most outside my family snaps at me.