May 28 2015

Family is the most important thing. No matter what. So at this point, he can take care of his family all he wants. He can let her call him despite him “hating her voice,” or so he says. She can get his attention whenever he wants it. I can go on not trusting him to care why i’m upset. It’s up to me to take care of me, because he’s too busy taking care of his family. don't care

Update on Tubal Ligation at 23

Hey! So, I left off on Monday.  I believe it was Wednesday night, I could finally sleep on my belly (my most comfortable position). It had been difficult to sleep, because the muscles under and around the uterus and ovaries are active when you’re trying to move around at night,  so I basically stuck to sleeping on my belly and my back at that point. During work, I found that putting pressure on the incision to support it and the muscles around it and keep them from moving helped a lot, and there was obvious pressure on it while I slept when I slept on my belly. If I had to get up in the middle of the night, it was far easier to get up from sleeping on my belly because I could raise myself up using my arms and thighs and step down from the bed. So I tried to keep myself comfortable in my belly most of the night, every night.

It took another day or so (so this is around a week) for my body to finally process air the right way again, because I still had air pockets under my ribs, and along with that, it took about that long to finally process food normally again too. Thank you, anesthesia and shock to the body.


Thanks to the human body being amazing and the pressure on the incision from sleeping on my belly, the cut healed almost right before my eyes. Every morning it seemed more together, and the Steri-Strips got looser. Every day, the incision got itchier and itchier as it healed, and it felt like the itchiness came from the Steri-Strips pulling on my skin as it tried to knit back together and the hair kept growing back in. On Sunday the 15, I finally removed the Steri-Strips from my skin and the incision looked amazing for only being a week and a half old. It looked especially dry, so I put some coconut oil directly around the cut. (COCONUT OIL HAS SO MANY BENEFITS, GO RESEARCH IT!!!)

I believe that the coconut oil has helped immensely, because today, Wednesday the 18, the cut looks very healed around the edges, as if it shrinks in length every hour. The skin is pink like scar tissue and there is less and less of a discernable split in the skin every time I look at it. I’m still keeping a patch of gauze on it between my skin and my underwear so the slight scabbing doesn’t catch on the fabric, but I think that’s cuz I’m an extra worry warrior. I’m still putting coconut oil on it twice a day and it helps with the itching tremendously. 

Possible TMI:

I think I’m gonna be ovulating in the next couple of days, so that means there’s no signs of that Tubal Ligation syndrome some people talk about where everything is painful and nothing works right anymore. Did i mention the surgery started my period early? So i had absolutely no worries about being pregnant before the surgery, although I doubt they would have done the surgery if I was pregnant in the first place, they took a urine sample for a test before the procedure. Of course, it’s only been two weeks tomorrow since the surgery, so I have time to see if things are going to be different when it comes to ovulation and menstruation. But, so far, nothing out of the ordinary.

So now, all I have to do is see if it changes my tolerance for other people’s kids, namely my boyfriend’s son. We shall see.

Tubal Ligation at 23 Years Old

Warning: possible TMI

I’ll be 24 in July. This past thursday, Feb 5, I had a tubal ligation, commonly referred to as “getting your tubes tied.” As you could probably tell by my previous posts, I’m not all that keen on having children of my own. My boyfriend has a biological son and a stepdaughter,  and if he and I stay together, those two will be enough for me. Probably more than enough and I’ll be struggling until I grow up a bit more.

So I got a tubal ligation. I was planning on two small incisions, one near my belly button to one side and one lower on the same side, with local anesthesia. They gave me general anesthesia (and a small patch behind my ear as an antiemetic) and a horizontal 3-4 inch cut in the space just lower than the level of my hip bones. The general anesthesia was given to me through an IV on my hand, and the stuff made my hand and wrist ache as if i had the flu. But the aching only lasted about 5 seconds and then I went unconscious. My doctor used the incision and space (space created with inserting air under my skin) to remove a section from both tubes and cauterize the open ends.  When I woke up, it had been about an hour since that general anesthesia, and apparently I had told my nurse the pain level was a three, although I was not conscious of that. When I regained my consciousness, I was gripping the hospital bed’s metal frame and moaning over and over. My nurse asked why I was moaning, and I let out one word, “Hurts.” She asked me my pain level again, and I told her 5, although now that I think about it, the level was probably more of a 7. She gave me some pain medication through my IV and it helped, but she had to give me another dose about 20min later. My parents and my  boyfriend were there with me, but at my bedside, only two people were allowed to visit at once. My dad and my boyfriend were the two to see me with an oxygen mask over my face and gripping that metal frame, until my boyfriend took my hand and kissed my forehead. They talked to me and I answered slowly and quietly. When my boyfriend had to leave for work, he sent my mom in, and my parents stayed with me while the anesthetic wore off. The nurse told them things that had happened and answered questions that we all had. She went to get me ice chips for my dry mouth and sore throat, and after two spoonfuls, she let my mom give me the ice chips. It was another hour or so before I thought I was good to be ready to go home. The nurse helped me dress and helped me sit in a wheelchair to take me to our truck. I was asked not to let myself fall asleep In the truck, to prevent motion sickness, but thanks to that little patch behind my ear, my stomach was happy enough. I sipped apple juice that the nurse gave me, and did my best not to let my heavy eyelids stay closed while we drove. Thankfully, my dad took the long, smooth way home to minimize any discomfort.
We got home at around 10am, and I made myself comfortable on the couch, falling right asleep, waking up for five minutes or so before falling asleep again. It wasn’t until about 1pm that I could stay awake enough to eat a banana and take my ibuprofen, which actually did nothing for my pain.

I kept drinking water, so I could help my body rid itself of the anesthesia and to soothe my throat after being intubated during the surgery, and it wasn’t long before I had to use the restroom. Surprise! I had a full bladder that I couldn’t void. It was a mix of bladder retention (which happens when medicine like general anesthesia and the antiemetic patch interfere with the brain’s automatic system of telling the bladder to empty itself), swelling from the surgery, and fear of putting pressure on my incision. I voided very small amounts at a time, and stopped drinking water because it was feeling like my bladder couldn’t stretch any more. I took my other pain medicine, Tramadol, to try to manage the pain, and that didn’t work either. I did my best to remove the gauze from my incision; I had to wet it to get it unstuck from my skin. I had to change it two times before I went to bed due to small amounts of drainage. My parents helped me so much, and my boyfriend came over after work and he helped me a lot, and he grimaced along with me when he noticed I was in pain. I told him about my bladder retention and he did some googling and that’s when we found out about it being due to the medicines.

I took D-Mannose supplements and Azo supplements to keep myself from getting a urinary tract infection from the catheter they gave me during the surgery. Little by little, the bladder retention wore off. So I went to sleep, waking up twice to try to use the restroom again, and when I woke up at about 8am Friday,  my back and shoulders were so tight from me putting my stress there to protect the incision that it was very hard to move. In addition to sore back, my abdomen was filled with the gas the doctor put into my body during surgery, and since bowel function slows to a crawl after surgery, I couldn’t rid my body of much gas at all. Friday was the same as thursday, slowly moving around and trying to void my bladder more easily (which was more successful). I did take a small walk to the end of the block to try to loosen my back and help my body absorb the gas in order to pass it. Since my pain medicines weren’t working, I decided to try Gas-X and a muscle relaxer close to bedtime. I slept better that night,  on my back more so I could stretch the incision a bit so it would heal in a way that would allow me to walk at least semi-erect.

Saturday was much better for my back and the gas issue, but it wasn’t completely resolved. I went for a walk around the block and was only mildly sore afterward. I was eating a bit more, and bladder voiding wasn’t a problem anymore. My boyfriend and I binge watched Bates Motel thanks to Netflix, and the day went more smoothly than Friday. I actually went for a ride with my boyfriend and my dad to get some lunch, but I stayed in the truck while they went inside to get the food. I found that squatting/kneeling down helped to move the gas to a place where I could get some of it out, and stretching my back by putting my shins on the floor and stretching my arms helped both my back and moved the gas to a less painful place.

Today is Sunday,  and I feel even better than yesterday. Only a small bit of gas remains trapped, and I’m trying to walk normally instead of holding my tension in my back.  I’m supposed to go back to work tomorrow, and I think I should be able to do that if my progress keeps improving as fast as it has the last couple of nights. It will be slow going, not very easy, but my boss and coworkers know what’s going on so I’m sure they’ll be understanding. My boyfriend is coming over again today, and he told me he actually loves taking care of me, and I make sure he knows how much I appreciate him doing things for me. He also knows it would be exactly the same if he was the one that had surgery and I was to take care of him.

That’s all I can really report right now, but I’m sure I’ll be updating on my progress the next couple of days.

Why Cars > Kids

1. Cars are useful. Kids know nothing except to make you do things.
2. Cars are a set amount of money you have to pay, and you can choose what you’re willing to spend. Kids are a bottomless pit you throw money away into with no ending in sight.
3. Cars are beautiful. Kids are awkward, especially when they lose teeth and  in those preteen years.
4. Cars return the favor when you turn them on. Kids limit when you can have sex which is a huge turn off.
5. Cars let you go anywhere you can think of. Kids limit where you can go because you have to set up all kinds of other plans just to have a couple of hours to yourself.
6. Cars have a wonderfully tuned sound to their engine that is designed to be pleasing to the ear. Kids are loud and annoying by design.
7. If you don’t like the way your car looks when you’re looking for it, you can choose another one. You can’t choose what your child looks like without genetically altering it.





This sucks

My boyfriend is dating a chick who’s most likely missing a piece of her soul.
I’m head over heels for this dude. But I’m having a really hard time changing to accommodate the fact that he has a son. I don’t like kids. I’m so worried that I’m not going to be able to handle his son and then I’m going to lose him.

I met his two nieces and nephew when we drove to Nevada to see his family. And I was okay with them, although I did get pretty irritated fairly quickly with the older two. My boyfriend keeps telling me that I’m gonna love his son because he’s a good kid. And I really want to come to love the kid, especially if it means getting him away from his shitbag mother.

But I’ve never seen myself with kids. And honestly I don’t know how to change and grow up enough to make this all work. I’m so scared that I’m going to ruin my relationship with the man I honestly feel could be The One. The Real One.

If anyone could offer advice on how to grow up mentally, I would really appreciate it. I don’t want to lose this man.


Pet Peeves

So this is the main reason I created this blog: to rant. So if you don’t want to read a bunch of bitching about what pisses me off, you should probably go read another one of my blogs or a Humorous blog…


I hate when people have to comment on everything or make a play-by-play of everything that’s going on. If it’s visible, don’t tell me it’s happening. I’m not blind; I’m actually pretty observant most of the time. Dont’ be Captain Obvious.

Call me a tree-hugger, but I hate when people print everything they see and then end up throwing it away because they don’t need it. The lady I’m training under at work does that– she prints most of the emails we get (we share an email account for the time being) and then someone else in the office takes care of the issue, so she printed the email for nothing. Side note: it also kinda irks me when people leave lights on for no reason, too. If you leave a room and no one else is in it and you’re not coming right back to it, turn the light off! First of all, it saves money, Second of all, it saves electricity and since our country is more focused on making new versions of the iPhone that aren’t that different than the previous one, we’re not completely up to date with how we create energy (and clean water for that matter).

Oh, it also pisses me off when people say that we’re running out of clean water. Sure, okay, maybe we are running out of clean water. But we’re not going to die. Hello, the world is 75% water and scientists are bitching that we’re all going to drown because the icebergs are melting and all that. If we would quit spending money on new technology that isn’t much of an improvement on the technology we currently have, maybe we could put it to good use and make desalination plants. Just sayin’.

It also pisses me off how our government gives money away to other countries who basically hate us anyway when there are people in our own country who need help. And no, I’m not talking about the people on welfare. IMO, most people on welfare are more than capable of working and they should. Yes, there are some people who legitimately need welfare, and yes, the government should help them. But I’m talking about the military. Screw other countries, let them figure things out for themselves because they hate us anyway and we’re probably not going to get anything back from them. We need to focus on what’s going on in our country and how poorly our military (who put their lives on the line to keep us safe) is being treated.

Work related: I hate when people send an email to someone and put several people in the CC line. If it doesn’t pertain to them and they can’t do anything to help you or it isn’t their job to help you do whatever your reason for sending the email is, don’t copy them on the email! It’s useless. If they need to know what’s going on, then by all means tell them. But when you just want to let people know what you’re doing or “keeping them in the loop,” don’t. It’s a waste of energy for me to read emails that don’t have anything to do with me.

I hate when people bitch about what happens as a result of something they chose to do. Okay, yes, people make bad choices. But tied into my pregnancy rant (previous blog), stop bitching when it was your choice to get pregnant. You wanted it. It was your choice to create another human and you know what you were getting into since it’s not your first child. So stop it. I no longer feel bad for you, I just want to tell you to STFU and deal with it. You made the bed, now you can lie in it. (Isn’t that the phrase?)

Children in general piss me off. I live in far west Texas. People let their kids do just about whatever the f*** they want here. Which means kids are loud, obnoxious, and they run around everything like everywhere they go is a playground and the parents think it’s cute. It’s not cute, it’s annoying as f***. This is another reason I don’t want to have children ever. If I were to have children, that would mean my children would have to have friends. And with the way people raise their kids, they would probably be a bad influence on my children and then I would yell at mine and they would think I was a bad mother and probably need therapy and that’s just a big mess. But you know what amuses me about when kids run around all willy-nilly? They’re bound to fall or hit their face on something. And that’s just f’n hilarious. HILARIOUS. I used to work at OshKosh B’Gosh (yeah, I know, crazy since I despise children but I needed income and they hired me so i was going to put up with it) and once, it was just me and my manager in the store and one family. The parents were talking to my manager and I was walking around the store tidying up (because people around here mess shit up like there’s no tomorrow and don’t give a shit who has to clean it up) and the kid was running around all the fixtures. And being loud. So I bit my tongue and just kept doing what I was doing. And then I heard this loud CLANG, then a bit of a thud, then a beat of silence. And then the kid started crying its head off. I really couldn’t hold back my laughter. I couldn’t see the kid from where I was, but I can just imagine its face when it realized that it had hit a fixture and fallen, taken the time to realize that “ow ow ow that hurts” and then start crying. I just about split my side laughing. And you know what the parents did? Nothing. They looked at the kid and then went back to their conversation with my manager. Which was also hilarious, but not in the good way. If you had the audacity to create a child, have the audacity to be a good parent and at least make sure your kid isnt’ bleeding all over the store’s floor for someone else to clean up.

I hate slow drivers. Around here there are a lot of them, and I guess that it’s because they’re illegal aliens and they don’t want to get pulled over so they make SURE that they’re not doing anything that would get them pulled over. Or they don’t have insurance, or their driver’s license is expired or suspended or whatever. So they drive like 5 or ten miles per hour under the speed limit. And no one around here knows that the far left lane is for faster traffic, so there are cars in every lane on I-10 and no one’s going faster than anyone else enough to let other people by. Or if they’re not driving 5-10 miles per hour under the speed limit, they’re driving 20-25 miles OVER  the limit and expecting everyone to see them and move. I’m sorry but when you’re going that fast, you’re pretty invisible until it’s too late for me to get out of the way, then you have to slam on your brakes, then I have to speed up to get in front of the car on my right faster than I was already going (and I usually speed by 5 miles or so anyway) because the guy on my left is going way too slow and it’s just a big mess. Yeah. That’s what I have to deal with every single day of my life that I have to drive somewhere.

So yep. That’s the short list. There are tons of other things that piss me off, but luckily for you, they’re not coming to mind right now because I’m finally alone in my office so I’m pretty calm. So there ya go. I hope you at least chuckled, or agree with me, or whatever. And if not, I ranted and I feel a little better, until something else happens.