More RV Living

So, BF got a job thanks to Indeed and military mechanic experience! I’ve been putting in applications everywhere, but BF talked to the Administrative manager at his job and she interviewed me and it looks like I’m in! So we’d be working at the same place, hopefully with almost the same hours.

So, BF has been fixing the leaks and buying new parts and everything so that is finally starting to come together. We’re working on all of the storage still: the bottom of the two bunk beds is now storage for our deep freezer and my nightstand and the vacuum (which we actually might not need). The biggest annoyance now is the RV rocking back and forth with any movement inside, like walking from the bed to the bathroom or other things. So, BF made sure that the jack stands were evenly spaced under the RV, supporting equal weight. Then we went to buy more jack stands to support the weight under the axles, and we bought things that go between the sets of tires to keep the RV from rocking forward and back, shaped like two triangles with the top points facing each other. They’re curved to fit around the tires. Basically wheel chocks that go toward the top/middle of between the tires. That has helped a ton, although the RV does still rock a tiny bit. We’re just about settled with it!

Cooking is a bit of a challenge because there is obviously very little counter space and the stove and oven are relatively small, as well as the fridge and freezer being small. But we’re making do, and I’ve learned that we can buy the fresh ingredients for things and eat at home for cheaper than going out to eat all the time.

To save a little on energy consumption, we like to keep the thermostat at 65 in the morning, 60 at night, and we just keep blankets and hoodies and cozy socks around to put on if we feel cold. I like to keep things unplugged where I can, like phone chargers not in use. I use a three wick candle in the evening for light in addition to the light from the tv. The blinds are open during the day to maximize natural light. Keeping the bathroom door also helps keep heat in the rest of the camper, because there’s a skylight and a vent in the bathroom and obviously no cloth things to help hold in heat.

We have to wash dishes a lot more often because the sink is very small and there’s no dishwasher. It made me realize that I bought WAY too many glasses. I have sets of four of five or six  types of glasses, so most of them are in storage.

It is quite the challenge to realize that all the stuff you have is probably not going to fit in an RV. You get used to all the things and don’t want to part with it until you get frustrated enough with lack of space to say “screw it, it’s going in storage.”

If I haven’t touched on something you’re wondering about, let me know! We’re only about two and a half weeks in to RV Living but just about everything normal happens in two and a half weeks.

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That devastating moment

When you realize that you have the man you wanted. All you ever wanted was to have a good man and be his number one. His one and only.

That devastating moment when you realize that, thanks to making the mistake of a child with his now-ex-wife, you will never, ever, be his number one.

Do I stay? Or do I leave and let him keep that snotty nosed, mumbling, diaper wearing 3 year old and shut everyone out again?

Repulsive

I had to leave the group Childfree Chicks Confidential on facebook today. 😦 I love that group and being a part of it, but being around people who think the same as I do makes the way I feel about kids cement into my brain. I mean, I’m pretty stuck on the “Despise Children” setting anyway, but knowing that there are so many other women who feel the same way really tears away the handle on that switch so there’s no going back to “Kids? Whatever.”

The last post I read on that page is that one of the women thinks it’s cute to see a man holding a baby. Me? It’s actually pretty repulsive. For example, whenever I see my man, no matter what he’s wearing or what he’s doing, I can’t help but stare. I am incredibly attracted to him. But when his kid was here and ran into a wall and my man picked him up to comfort him… I almost couldn’t hide the scowl on my face. My man became incredibly unattractive just in that one action. If my man were to hold a puppy or a kitten, I’d still be completely attracted. But a kid? GTFO.

I’m so glad I have this blog. I’m not sure whether you all actually read these or they’re more like a diary, but my blog is safe. My man doesn’t even read the posts I WANT him to read, much less every post I create. And right now, I really appreciate that I can put all my true thoughts out here and I know I won’t hurt his feelings. Maybe it helps me to get my thoughts out. Don’t get me wrong, I want these thoughts to change. I love my man with my entire being. But the fact that he has a kid and claims another one as his own too… it feels like a punishment to me.

I’ve always said, “I’m not a Christian. I have a relationship with God.” The word Christian connotes a lot of judgment and hypocrisy. But my relationship with God fits me. But when I was having trouble finding a good man, I turned to God and asked Him to bring my perfect man into my life. I asked Him for specific things that I would like in a man. And weirdly enough, that’s when my man came into my life. A mutual friend of ours texted me and asked me if I was still looking for someone. My man had never spent free time with that friend before, and I hadn’t heard from that friend in well over a year. It just felt like my prayer had been answered when I went on that first date. But then he told me he has “kids”, and I only put it in quotes because only one of them is biologically his.

It’s no secret that I despise children. In fact, one of the first questions I asked my man is if he had kids, and honestly I should have walked away when he said yes. I really should have. But his personality is so perfect for me. I really feel like we’re supposed to be together. But the fact that he has kids? It feels like God opened up the sky and said “Here ya go. Here’s what you asked for. But fuck you for asking, your man has kids.” I feel like I’m being punished for asking for what I wanted. I thought that you’re supposed to ask Him for what you want. God knows trying to find a man on my own was just getting me heartbroken over and over.

I really don’t know what to do. I love this man, but the baby mama and the kids are killing me… What can I do? I don’t want all this drama with the BM and the kids… I want to be number one in his life. I deserve someone who puts me first…. but I don’t want to leave this one because I know there won’t be anyone else like him out there. And honestly, I don’t think there’s any changing how much I despise kids. That’s just the way I am.

To whoever is reading this, any advice is greatly appreciated.