Bear With Me

I read that writing a journal every day might help with being down in the dumps or being in a funk.
So I’m going to try it.

So today it rained in the afternoon which was really nice, I love how the desert smells after rain thanks to the creosote and it’s nice to get my car’s tires rolling on wet roads.

I tried to figure out why I’m so bitter about the world lately. My mom said it started when I was with my first boyfriend. At the time, I was upset because I was rejected from my dream school, Texas A&M. I was  heartbroken that I wasn’t smart enough to get in, and it meant that I couldn’t leave El Paso like I wanted to so badly. My boyfriend at the time was also getting comfortable in the relationship, and he acted more like my child than my boyfriend. I think I was hurt and frustrated because I felt that the man should be the strong one and take care of his woman. Maybe the reason I don’t like kids is because they get taken care of by default, and I wanted a bond like that with someone romantically, and I never got it.

Maybe the reason why I’ve been so down is because I’m finally realizing that that dream is dead, and long dead at that. How do you mourn a dream?

That’s where I am this evening.  Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.


2 thoughts on “Bear With Me

  1. I vacillate between light and dark a lot and I’ve found a way to take comfort in both. This is something that comes with life experience. I’m a guy but I get where you are coming from with the feeling like a mom thing. Many younger guys go through that stage where they need to kind of be ‘mothered’. Guys need a lot of guidance and its sad to say but, their significant other must provide a good deal of it. My wife truly saved me from myself…well, her and our kids. I never wanted kids but I tell you what…they teach you so much about love and patience. Think about it down the road after your education is out of the way though. As for dreams…well, they die. There are so many things I wanted to do but did not achieve. Its just part of life. Redirect the energy into something else is my advice. That’s kind of why I blog. I blog any and all thoughts I have lol. I’m also trying to write a book (another dream). Anyway, don’t beat yourself up or obsess about dead dreams. Not all dreams come true…but some do! Good luck.

    • Well, my education is done, so that’s a good thing. I just didn’t like the university I went to. I’m just hoping that letting that dream die is going to help, because I really want to stay with my current boyfriend, who has a son, but I don’t want to be #2 in my man’s life… I’m glad to hear that you got through your downs, that gives me a hope. I do really appreciate your comment, and I welcome your good wishes!

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